亢奋 第一季

从rick and morty第四季summer说的台词传送过来的 看了以后觉得全篇的记忆点全部都在拍摄手法上 剧情无力吐槽 人物除了jules基本没啥看点 （尤其是mckay这条线每次都想快进..）配上节奏ost和炫酷运镜灯光当成大型mv卡点视频（伪）看看害行八..

绝佳的镜头记忆点个人排名

top5 第一集磕了出来旋转楼梯

top4 床上jules和rue旋转运镜转场

top3 嘉年华开始的一段长镜头

top2 舞池jules和黑人女闪啊闪那段

top1 嘉年华找gia的那段 全程大光圈绝美

此外party的灯光青橙和赛博朋克风简直绝美。剧情的话从第二集就想弃了，越到后面越无聊，最后finale坐火车就走了，不知道是什么脑洞有点莫名其妙。

多兰最近在自己的ins上分享了对这部剧的观后感。

真的是超级认真有没有(>﹏<)

和东抄西凑完成老师影评作业的我们完全不一样啊啊啊

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以下是我结合有道翻译为大家翻译的多兰独家剧评：

虽然我不是一定要在这里分享我喜爱的东西，但分享也是一种乐趣。不分享就不能体现出我对它的爱。 几周前，《亢奋》这部剧在我的生活中悄然出现了。我在一个流媒体平台上看到了它的海报。我也在Instagram上看到了一些关于它的广告和剪辑。 一天晚上我回家看了第一集。一开始我不确定自己能不能理解，因为我比剧中的当代角色年龄要大一些，尽管我们有一些相同的习惯，但我们的生活并不相同。但在第二集的后半段，我们清楚地明白了这部剧的含义。 我真的不在乎自己是否正确，对我来说，这就是这部剧的内涵:创伤，以及我们处理它的方式。克服它，并把它变成别的东西。创伤很可能使我们自我厌恶、憎恨、孤独和上瘾。我对这四种情感都很熟悉。当然，这部戏的拍摄非常华丽，有着奢华的夜景和温文尔雅的霓虹灯。但最让我产生共鸣的是每个人的挣扎，以及他们在这么小的年纪，为了克服这些挣扎而压抑或屈服于其中的暴力。看到这些渴望自由和爱的年轻人，在缺乏爱的情况下生存，或者深陷于“糟糕的爱”，这一切令人心碎。 现在，让我高兴的是，我对所有的演员都充满敬畏。剧中的每一个音符都直击人心，每一个眼神和每一声欢笑都令人动容。Zendaya, Sydney Sweeney, Barbie Ferreira, Alexa Demie, Hunter Schafer, Jacob Elordi, Algie Smith, Maude Apatow, Angus Cloud, Alanna Ubach, Lukas Gage…制作设计师、艺术导演和电影摄影师创造了这个糖果般颓废的世界，如此健康连贯，如此具有讽刺意味的美丽。很明显，山姆·莱文森的作品，写作，以及他的精准，他的思想和心灵如此清晰而温柔地渗透在这部剧中。 在节目的最后一个场景中，我感到了无法抑制的喜悦，这让我想起了《木兰花》中的角色突然唱起歌来的感觉。我对他的大胆和真诚感到震惊，甚至是最不安的钦佩。我们看到像《亢奋》这样的剧，觉得生活可以变得更好，有更多创造的冲动。 所以，真心感谢你们。

（如果翻译有误欢迎指出！）

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最后，希望大家都能真正看懂这部剧，过上更好的人生。

失眠了一整晚又刷了一遍。看似放荡糜烂的高中生活背后实则隐藏着无数支离破碎的家庭，无声的暴力在每个人年轻的心灵中种下了种子。这种子随着年龄的增长慢慢在心中发芽，这过程中种子缺少阳光和水，长成某些扭曲的植物；也就是说他们缺少真正的，健康的关心和爱。

而每个少年只是在寻找爱的路上走的有点偏了，毒瘾，约炮，操纵与被操纵，但这只是一颗颗渴望被爱的心。在人们都深陷自己的泥潭时，互舔伤口则显得更加动人，就如在贫瘠的沙漠里找水，在枯萎的树上寻找鲜果。这种情感流动中有一种病态与脆弱的纠缠，但是在结尾也不失穿过乌云望彩虹的希望。

感觉编剧真的很厉害，可以把这些畸形的情感拿捏的如此准确和刻骨铭心，当然我也在里面或多或少看见了自己。两年前第一次看的时候，Jue被黑帮大佬强行喂毒high了之后说I’m so happy，Fez在一旁守着她，我哭了很久。

年少缺失的爱，先要用很多很多似爱非爱的东西填补，再要用很久很久找回来。

没想到都这把年纪了，欧美青春片的情情爱爱我还是磕得甘之如饴。有可能是因为自己的成长也不算循规蹈矩吧，常常感觉自己都没长大，内心还是青春期的状态，所以这些片基本都能很大程度共情。 关于这个剧，也是拖了很久才开始看，目前第一季快磕完了，感觉它应该就是老美fancy版的皮囊，但是不得不说，十几年过去皮囊还是我心中的经典，我好像会偏爱那种英伦原始场景下的青春叛逆，毕竟更贴近生活也更能产生共鸣，好像荧幕前的看客真的有可能是他们中的一员。而亢奋太过凌乱以及过多裸露镜头多少让我产生不适，我是绝不会有错觉自己会是其一的，而非要说它的经典，可能是眼妆吧:)anyway我也没去过美国，不知道老美高中生上课真的会搞得这么浮夸吗，如果是真的那我真的瑟瑟发抖。 哦对了，有一个设定我原本是接受无能的，就是身为trans的Jules后来跟Rue坠入爱河(没看剧前就在社交网络被剧透知道她们是一对了，当下的我简直瞳孔地震，本来以为自己已经非常open-minded，但还是吓到退后三步，主要是没想到能有一个大热剧的主角会是这样的关系)，结果看到半程我就全盘接受了，有可能是因为Jules太美眼神太纯真，美到我忘了这一切是否合理，美到她各式各样五花八门天马行空的眼妆也很可爱，美到她明明大高个也会觉得小鸟依人想给她打钱，美到作为女生我也被迷得七荤八素，and Rue莫名1得也很合理(我印象中Zendaya就是个精致的花瓶，没想到褪去妆容做叛逆小妹居然合适得不行，她真的算是这个角色不二人选吧，我甚至觉得这是不是她本色出演，毕竟看她的采访也蛮像磕过药的)。总之伴着能让人感觉吸食了精神毒品的BGM，什么都可以，什么都尽管拍吧，我都可以理解!另外，暂时没打算写对其他人物的评价，因为实在还没共情，也许等我把所有都看完了再来更新吧:) 但讲真，如果你是00左右的小孩没看过皮囊，快去看看吧，特别是前四季，再往后可以忽略不计了，那波演员实在喜欢不起来，简直就是来毁经典的，但前几季真的好!看!到!不!行!导致我到现在讲英文都偏英式，想来应该是那会儿被影响至骨髓，剧中的不管是情结、文化、音乐还是氛围我都太身临其境并且深爱至脑残了，而且我保证打扮没有年代感，英国佬好像上下几十年都差不多(just kidding)，and每个人都有自己的可爱之处，每个人也都支离破碎得很让人心痛又同理心爆炸，反正人物刻画鲜活又自然，你会有错觉他们就是有血有肉站在身边的人，更有甚者会在关上屏幕往后很长一段时间(对我来说一两年跑不掉)都掉进片子的情绪中，like会跟着他们的爱恋愉悦，跟着他们逃避生活，有人失去生命亦会绝望悲痛……而这些年，我还是会三不五时翻出来看看，虽然不会再有小时候那种因为当下环境类似而产生的共鸣了，但还是免不了大型感叹，特别是Effy做主角那两季真的会立刻心痛到落泪(可能有点夸张)，感觉小时候的自己就是她(没错，我就是觉自己是一个另类神经病美吕)，

Effy还有皮囊我最爱的两季海报

进而想起一堆往事:年少时玩了七八年乐队，性格拧巴内向自闭，整天顶着烟熏妆泡在哥特音乐中，一天天不干正事就躲在排练房写写歌落落泪，伤春悲秋，推开相爱的人，完全不相信好事会发生，更没办法接受一点点不安全感，宁愿什么都没有也不要给人拿捏自己的机会，那阵子身边都是一起捣鼓音乐的小哥们，记忆中也有喜欢我的，但由于鄙人当时内心过度破烂不堪，谁都不能接近(感情层面)，反而他们总带着我一起深夜酗酒什么的，变成了我放烂路上的垫脚石，到最后整得自己更难受。然后……家庭也不如意，父母关系不融洽又强撑导致我更畏惧这个世界……但有两个片段我一直觉得很温暖并且一直保存在脑海，片段一:出国念书前一天，小伙伴其一的小哥扭扭捏捏拿了把吉他来送我，还唱了首歌，但是是什么歌忘掉了，完了便扭扭捏捏离去;片段二:有个朋友给我弹唱过一首歌，叫wild world，是皮囊的插曲，我没有印象他是否是因为皮囊才学的，还是巧合，但是个很有温度的片段就对了，还有我记忆深刻也是因为有一次独自站在异国他乡的街头，回想起那个弹唱的瞬间，还有歌词，那种无助和孤独感突然从四面八方像围墙一样向我倒过来，真的不哭不是中国人，在这里我决定列几句最刺痛的词: Now that I've lost everything to you You say you wanna start something new And it's breaking my heart you're leaving Baby, I'm grieving But if you wanna leave,take good care Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there Ooh,baby,baby, it's a wild world It`s hard to get by just upon a smile Ooh,baby,baby, it's a wild world I'll always remember you like a child,girl 唉，现在想想，也就这样吧，都过来了，只是那个时期和皮囊的孩子们一起长大而滋生的拧巴怕是这辈子都会伴随左右了。 咦，不好意思!我感觉我好像走错片场，竟然在亢奋的地头让皮囊借尸还魂，还大型回忆过去……失敬失敬……抱歉! 好了!最后!我给亢奋4星，本来想要给3.5星，但看在各式眼妆的面子上再加0.5，不保证后续看完会不会扣分哦！但是我还会来叨逼叨的:)

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Frez真的不停让我想起心碎男孩Mac Miller。他真的太单纯太可爱了，连我都想跟他谈恋爱。

曾经的我 幸福满足 I was once happy, content, 徜徉在只属于我的羊水之中 sloshing around in my own private, primordial pool. 结果有一天 由于不可抗拒的因素 Then one day, for reasons beyond my control, 我母亲莱丝丽的子宫 I was repeatedly crushed... 一次又一次对我残忍地施加压力 over and over by the cruel cervix of my mother, Leslie. 我顽强地抵抗了 却终敌不过大自然 I put up a good fight, but I lost, 这是我人生第一次败仗 之后更是节节败退

我厌弃所有人 除了你 I hate everyone else in the world but you.

茱尔丝 你自残吗 And, Jules, do you self-injure? 事实上 茱尔丝讨厌自己 The truth was, Jules hated herself. 她讨厌自己大脑的运作方式 She hated how her brain worked... 她的大脑会因一个想法而卡住 the way it would get stuck on a thought, 从而噎到自己 like choking. 专注于当下 All right. Keep present. 大脑会陷入无尽的循环 And it would just play on an infinite loop, 直到她停止思考 until she couldn't think 无法呼吸 濒临死亡 or breathe or stand to be alive. 克服并非易事 茱尔丝 This is hard, Jules. 你一定可以挺过去 You're going to get through it, okay? 但她不仅讨厌自己的大脑 She didn't just hate her brain, though. 她还讨厌自己的身体 但不是每个部位都讨厌 She hated her body, not every part, 只讨厌肩膀 手臂 just her shoulders, and her arms, 双手 and her hands. 还有胸部 腹部 大腿 Also her chest, her stomach, her thighs. 她最讨厌膝盖了 Her knees were the worst. 还很讨厌脚踝和肥大的双脚 Plus her ankles, and her big, fucking, stupid feet. 她讨厌自己的人生 并非因为过得不好 She hated her life, not because it was bad, 而是因为 痛恨自己的大脑和身体之人 but because when you hate your brain and your body, 很难享受人生

每当她被虐得很惨时... And whenever anything got too uncomfortable... 茱尔丝就假装自己灵魂出窍 Jules would just imagine that she wasn't really herself, 她其实在旁观别人的生活 and this wasn't really her life. 她只是虚构作品中的一个虚构人物 She was just a character in a book or a movie or a show. 一切都是假象 即便是真 又能如何呢 That none of it was real, and if it was, how did it matter? 这具身体本就不属于她 It's not like her body ever really belonged to her in the first place.

我没有特别喜欢的事情 There's nothing I'm really passionate about. 没有非要做或说的事 You know, like, I'm not dying to say or do anything, really. 每次我向大家坦露心迹 And every time I admit that to people, 他们都会觉得这样很可悲 但是... they're like, "Oh, my gosh, that's so sad." But... 我觉得多数人都是如此 I think that's the case for most people. 我妈是如此 You know? Like, when I look at my mom or... 我同学也是如此 like, the kids at my school-- 从他们社交媒体上的动态就能看出来 like, their profiles or their posts and their Tumblr rants... 大家也都过得稀里糊涂 迷茫无助 you realize they're all just fucked up, too... and lost. 只是他们都得掩饰真相... They just have a reason to mask it... 为了不让家人担忧 whether it be, like, their, their families 拴住男友 博取关注 or their boyfriends or their hashtag activism. 他们都只是借助表面的光鲜亮丽 And they're just reaching for something -粉饰人生的虚无 -小茹... - to make it all seem meaningfu

麦迪从小就很了解自己 Maddy knew who she was from a very early age. 从麦迪记事以来 她就是万人迷 For as long as Maddy could remember, everybody loved her.

她不知自己为何受欢迎 She never knew exactly what it was. 她只知道自己很特殊 She just knew that she had something special, 气质迷幻朦胧 something intangible, 魅力无人能及 something immeasurable.

她因此充满自信 And it gave her confidence

她也是因此热爱选美 That's why she loved pageantry, 因为冠军不必容貌倾城 高挑精干 because you didn't have to be the prettiest or the tallest 也不必金发碧眼 肤如凝脂 or the blondest or the whitest. 自信闪耀就够了

You just had to have fucking confidence.嘉年华当晚 和卢克·卡斯滕打炮时 So the night of the carnival, while fucking Luke Kasten, 凯特顿悟了 Kat had an epiphany. 她居然上了卢克·卡斯滕 She was fucking Luke Kasten, 那他妈可是卢克·卡斯滕啊 Luke motherfucking Kasten. 没上过东高的人可能不知道... And for those of you who didn't go to East Highland... 卢克·卡斯滕可是男神 Luke Kasten was a fucking god. 他毕业多年 可学校里依然有他的传说 I mean, he graduated years ago and people still talk about him. 他有我见过最大的鸡鸡 He has the biggest dick I've ever seen, 他上我时 我一直盯着他看 and I was looking at him while he was fucking me. 他射精时 I could see his face scrunching up 我看到他的脸皱成一团 when he was coming all over my stomach, 我突然就顿悟了 and I had this, like, realization, you know, like, this epiphany. 无论这个人有多酷帅性感 That no matter how cool, or, or sexy 不论他在你眼中有多聪明 or, or smart you think a guy is, 其实都卑微渺小得可悲可怜 they're actually just fucking pathetic.

我一直试图减弱自己的存在感 my whole life, all I've tried to do is to take up less space.

企图避开那帮男人 Try to hide from guys, like, who might, like, 因为我经过时 他们会对朋友悄悄吐槽 whisper to their friend under their breath as I walked by. 我这一生 I've spent my whole life 都在担心大家会发现我是个胖妞 afraid people were gonna find out that I was fat. 但说实话 根本没人在意 But honestly, who gives a shit?

无所畏惧的胖女孩所向披靡 There's nothing more powerful than a fat girl who doesn't give a fuck.

高中的情谊转瞬即逝 并非天长地久 Nothing in high school lasts forever. 你该见见她 You should meet her.

Are you kidding me? 你被罚下了 You're out of the game. 冲动就会输球 You get emotional, you lose. 动怒就会输球 You get angry, you lose. -爸 他说我是... -无关紧要 - Dad, he called me-- - I don't give a good goddamn. 你觉得他为什么偏偏说你呢 Why do you think he's talking to you in the first place? -因为他... -因为他想激怒你 - Because he-- - Because he's trying to get a rise out of you. 扰乱你的思绪 让你分心 Trying to make you upset, lose focus. 他在挑战你的底线 这就是生存法则 That's his game. That's the world's game. 他们不断逼你 They want to push on you, 逗弄你 考验你的极限 Poke on you, see exactly how much you can take. 极限会决定你能走多远 And how much you can take is what will ultimately define you. 因为应对之道可以衡量人的品性 Because the measure of a man is in how he reacts. 我该如何应对 How am I supposed to react? 将自己的所有情绪 By taking everything you feel, 挫败感 愤怒 狂暴 all your frustrations, your anger, your rage, 统统收起 you bottle it up, 守住本心 you take your position, 当情绪累积至顶峰 and when that snap comes, 将其化作喷薄而出的动力 you let it explode.

她几乎每次都会心软答应 And she almost always said yes. 尽管她很不情愿 也会照做 Even though it didn't always make her feel good. 她知道 多数男生跟她分手后 And she knew that most guys, after she broke up with them, 都会散播她的性爱视频和裸照

would always share those photos or videos. 她刚发现时 恐慌心悸 The first time she found out, she had a panic attack, 她甚至想吞扑热息痛自杀 and wanted to swallow a whole bottle of Tylenol. 但最终打消了自杀的念头 But she didn't. 因为大家顶多言语上对她讽刺挖苦 Because, I mean, what's the worst thing anybody could say to her? 无非就是嘲笑她给渣男口交而已 That she gave a blowjob to a guy who didn't deserve it? 而且 她觉得等到毕业求职那会儿 And she figured by the time she was out of college and looking for a job, 绝大多数人都有过裸照的黑历史了 99 percent of the population would have leaked nudes, anyway.

一想到要站起来 The thought of having to stand up, 移动35英尺 每走一步要调动172块肌肉 exert 172 muscles each step for 35 feet, 就为了坐在冰凉的陶瓷坐便器上 just so I can sit on cold porcelain 日复一日地排出体内毒素 and piss out toxins over and over again for the rest of my life 我就觉得人生是一个漫长且磨人的玩笑 makes the whole concept of living feel like one long, sadistic joke. 但抑郁最磨人的一点是 But the absolute worst part of depression 你明知自己抑郁了 is that even though you know you're depressed, 却依然无可救药地越陷越深 you're unable to stop yourself from getting worse

抑郁的另一症状就是 The other thing about depression is 让人丧失时间概念 it kind of collapses time. 突然之间 全部记忆混杂交织 Suddenly, you find your whole days blending together 无穷无尽 令人窒息 to create one endless and suffocating loop. 抑郁后 人会试图回想愉悦的瞬间 So you find yourself trying to remember the things that made you happy. 但大脑会一点点蚕食欣快的回忆 But slowly, your brain begins to erase every memory that ever brought you joy. 最终 And eventually, 脑中仅剩人生中沉闷压抑的记忆 all you can think about is how life has always been this way. 人就会日渐消沉 And will only continue to be this way.

曾经有个心理医生说 我压抑的状态会起起落落 I had a therapist once who said that these states will wax and wane. 我妈因此松了一口气 Which gave my mother relief, 因为就算我犯病了 because it meant that in the bad times, 总也会好起来 there would be good times. 但她也因此焦灼难安 But it also gave her anxiety 因为就算我一时没事 because it meant that in the good times, 总也有抑郁发作的一天 there would be bad times. 我一直很不解 It always confused me, 因为我不懂"起落"的意思 because I didn't really know what it meant. 但听起来比我自己的形容更让人安心 But it did sound a lot calmer than the way I would describe it. 我得继续服药 There you go. How you feel? Okay? 我知道你现在很低落 宝贝 I know you're feeling low right now, baby. 但你没有故态复萌 说明你的症状有所缓解 But the fact that you didn't turn back means you're gettin' better. 没错 It does. 一定是这样 It does. 当然了 我之后才领悟到 Granted, I didn't realize until later "起起落落"的真正含义 what waxing and waning implied. 抑郁无法根除 会反复发作 That these feelings were fixed and constant 我的余生都将与抑郁作伴 and would never end for the rest of my life.

我住院观察了三天 And kept me there for three days. 其实住院可好了 It was actually really nice. 我超喜欢医院 I love hospitals. 要是余生都能在医院度过 我绝对没意见 If I could spend the rest of my life in a hospital, I would. 因为住院时 Because when you're in a hospital, 可以做个米虫 you have zero responsibilities. 医护人员会保证你吃饱睡好 身体棒棒 They make sure you eat, sleep, stay hydrated, 如遇不测 医生总能及时出现 and if anything bad happens, there's always a doctor nearby. 谢谢 Thank you. 发生大规模枪击案时 待在医院最明智了 It's also the best place to be in the event of a mass shooting, 只要外科医生没死光光就行 unless the gunman kills all the surgeons. 关键是 我在医院无忧无虑 The point is, I had zero anxiety.

我昨晚写信时 and as I sat down last night to write it, 忍不住回想你出生那天的场景 I couldn't stop thinking about the day you were born. 我第一次将你抱入臂弯 Holding you in my arms for the first time, 怜爱地看着你 looking down at you, 看着你可爱动人的小脸 your sweet, beautiful face... 我这辈子从未如此充满爱意 欢欣愉悦 I had never felt so much love and joy in my entire life. 于是我想到... And I thought that... 若是那一刻 有人能提醒我该多好 what if in that moment I heard a voice, 通晓万物的人生旁白对我低语 some omniscient narrator who said, "接下来将会如此" "Here's what's going to happen. "你的女儿将会风趣幽默 聪明伶俐 开朗大方" "Your daughter is gonna be funny, and smart, and outgoing, "她的灵气从小便会显现" You'll see it instantly, from a young age." "她将会魅力四射 广交朋友" "She'll be charismatic and make friends easily." "她将会温柔善良 心思细腻" "She'll be kind and sensitive. "细腻到敏感" "Maybe too sensitive. "她不会是个乖乖女" "She won't be an easy child. "她会很叛逆" She'll struggle." "因此 你将很难看懂她" "And in turn, you'll struggle to understand her." "你将跟不上她的思维" "To understand what's going on inside of her head. "无法理解那些难以摆脱的梦魇" "The night terrors that can't be interrupted. "很多时候 晚饭后" "The times after dinner where "她会坐在餐桌旁" "She'll just sit at the kitchen table "一遍遍数着天花板砖的数量and count the tiles over and over, "数到自己上气不接下气" "Until she hyperventilates. "你会用尽全力拥她入怀 安慰她" "To fight to hold her in your arms, to tell her it's okay." "你们将难以平静 她会摔打东西 大吼大叫" "To calm down. The kicking. The screaming. "她会害怕受伤" "The anxiety of being harmed. "她会日夜煎熬" "The transitions from day to night, "从家中到学校 每顿饭皆是如此" "From home to school, from meal to meal. "她会担心失去父母和妹妹" Of losing her mother or father or little sister." "她害怕会孤苦伶仃" - "Of being alone." 我很喜欢她 I really like her. "她会恐慌发作 情绪波动 迷惑不解 精神分裂" "The panic attacks, mood swings, confusion, disorganization "她会愤怒狂躁" "And all that rage. "不仅生你的气 也会恼恨自己" "Not just at you, but at herself. "最煎熬的是..." "And the tough part i "她无法自救 而你也将束手无策" "you'll feel as helpless to help her as she does herself." "你将犯下大大小小的错误" "You'll make mistakes. Small ones and big ones. "你会慌忙求助 病急乱投医" "You'll look for help from people who aren't helpful. "你求助之人或许根本不了解情况" "Or who don't actually understand what's happening." "内疚感将因此伴你终生" "And the guilt will never leave you." "但若你保持镇定 温柔耐心" "But if you remain calm and patient, "若你能仔细聆听" "If you listen closely, "你便能渐渐理解她" "理解她为何重复地数了一遍又一遍" "The counting, the repetition, "理解她对于对称的执着" "the need for symmetry. "若你睡前亲吻了她的左脸" "That if you kiss her left cheek before bed, "一定也要亲吻她的右脸" "You have to kiss her right cheek. "还有额头 下巴" "And her forehead. Then her chin. "因为这样才平衡稳定" "That it's about balance, stability. "这样她才能疏导情绪 捋顺思绪" "The need to organize her feelings and thoughts, so... "这样她才能平静下来" she can breathe easier." "你将得到片刻的喘息" "And there will be moments of relief, "你们俩都能松一口气" "In her and in you. "这些时刻平静安宁 顺心满足" "Moments that feel so normal, and calm, and rewarding that... "你会希望平淡的幸福能够天长地久" "You'll find yourself praying they last forever. "可她还小" "Even though she's only a child, "糟心事还在后面呢 "And all the hard parts have yet to even come. "16岁时" "And at the age of 16, "她会吸毒过量" "She'll overdose, "昏迷四天" "Spend four days in a coma, "生死未卜" "And you won't know if she'll live or die. "但等她醒来" "But when she wakes up, "她会有机会戒毒" "She'll be given the opportunity to get clean, "改过自新" "To become a different person, "完善自己" "A better person. "但有一点你无能为力" "Here's the toughest part. "不论你怎么说 怎么做 怎么想" "No matter what you say, or do, or wish, "决定权都在她手中" "The decision will be all hers. "你只能心怀希望" "And all you can do is hope "希望她能给自己一个重新来过的机会"

凯特 Kat. 万一现在就是我们人生的高光时刻呢 What if these are, like, the big moments in life? 我妈总说 Like, my mom always talks about 高中是她人生的里程碑式高光时刻 how high school was like this big, monumental part of her life. 可她都半老徐娘了 居然还对高中念念不忘 But I cannot imagine being 40 and looking back at this, like, "Wow." 因为多数人在高中达到了人生巅峰 Yeah, but that's because most people peak in high school. 我肯定还没达到巅峰... I definitely haven't peaked, so... 我感觉自己还没长大呢 I feel like I'm not even a person yet. 我也就攀登到巅峰的四分之一吧 Yeah, I'm definitely at, like, 25 percent peakness. 我好像达到巅峰了 I feel like I'm at a hundred. 但我还能升得更高 But I can definitely get to 150. 讲真 我都没想到自己能撑到现在 Honestly, I never thought I'd make it this far. 什么意思 What do you mean? 我总是提心吊胆 惶惶不安 I don't know. I just always had, like, this overwhelming anxiety 我总觉得一定会出事 that something bad would happen. 说实话 去年夏天 In all fairness, last summer, 我有三周一直以为你死了 there were, like, three weeks where I thought you were dead.

Rue，你个懦夫。

当Rue抛弃Jules独自离开站台的时候，我这么想。

十年后她根本不会记得你。

可是当Rue回到家，没办法地望着墙壁和天花板，吸下一口粉，我却觉得，那就是我，那就是我们，寻常人的生活。

现实中，不可能有人过得那么精彩。也不会永远是一滩烂摊子，但是我们庸常的生活，就像沼泽，就像一条永远没有尽头和边际的河，每次我们浮出水面，都发现自己仍然在水中。摆脱不了，往来复去，即使有时跌到了支流里、洼地里、水涡里，但抬头一看，那条河仍旧跟随着我们，淹没着我们的身体，从没离开。

Rue摆脱不了那条河，永远永远摆脱不了。这就是为什么她把自己活成了一摊废泥。每次看她，她都像是刚从水中挣扎出来，狼狈不堪，永远潮湿、脏污，深深地陷落在泥床里，绝望、挣扎，但无能为力。

Jules是她所爱的新鲜事物。不是第一个（或许），不是最后一个。

Rue会遇到一股又一股向上拉扯的力量，然后一次接一次甩在泥潭里。

她摆脱不了，摆脱不了这操蛋的生活，也无法说服被自己厌恶的自己。

可这就是我们所活的姿态。这是常态，这是不值得大惊小怪的事，这是我们一次又一次崩溃的根源，但这是庸常的永恒。

我看着Rue哭得肝肠寸断、哭得无助痛苦、哭得迷茫悔恨、哭得心死如灰，她大概有无数个如此自嘲的时刻，她是个懦夫，她想挣脱，她挣脱不了，她还不如去死。

可是Rue，你在雨夜中，回复到以往的生活的那一刻，我却已经无意责怪于你。

因为我知道那就是我一直以来的姿态。我知道不容易。

当Rue穿着父亲的外套走出房间的时候，她的余生都被这段经历留下了深深的刻痕。

从她的眼睛中我看不到什么东西。暖黄灯光中，她凝视着什么。覆在她身上的灯光和她的凝视，这就是全部了。

光影晃动中，Rue和Jules坐在门口的台阶上，我看到的唯一有意义的，仅是此刻。