面具之内

Gender(masculine&feminine) is cultivated by society. "Once I got out of the man box, I feel whole, worthy , the right to be loved and a sense of belonging with the peers."

Feminism is not only beneficial for female but also male. Only when male can be what they like rather than cater to what society wants, they can treat female as companion rather than object.

When I asked a 8-year-old boy what he likes to be when growing up, he said A venture capitalist, I know there is too much problem.

Lies every boy learns are we associate masculine with athletic abilities, economic success and sexual conquest. If men chasing these all their lives, they will never feel authetically themselves.

Men are taught not to talk about sadness so they are inclined to use alcohol and drugs to deal with their emotions. This also answers my question why men are more likely to addicted to cigarettes.

It astonished me that this documentary is directed by a woman. This poetry by Nancy Smith convey very similar belief as this director so I would like to share.

For Every Woman By Nancy R. Smith, copyright 1973 For every woman who is tired of acting weak when she knows she is strong, there is a man who is tired of appearing strong when he feels vulnerable.

For every woman who is tired of acting dumb, there is a man who is burdened with the constant expectation of 'knowing everything.' For every woman who is tired of being called 'an emotional female,' there is a man who is denied the right to weep and to be gentle. For every woman who is called unfeminine when she competes, there is a man for whom competition is the only way to prove his masculinity. For every woman who is tired of being a sex object, there is a man who must worry about his potency. For every woman who feels 'tied down' by her children, there is a man who is denied the full pleasures of shared parenthood. For every woman who is denied meaningful employment or equal pay, there is a man who must bear full financial responsibility for another human being. For every woman who was not taught the intricacies of an automobile, there is a man who was not taught the satisfactions of cooking. For every woman who takes a step toward her own liberation, there is a man who finds the way to freedom has been made a little easier.

片尾

无意中码住的一部纪录片 题材很有意义

其中某些人物的讲述 也能够使我产生共情

片中提到的许多观点恰恰也让我想起了自己在探索这一问题时的心路历程

教授的分析具有一定深度

令我最印象深刻的是对父亲形象缺失的介绍 这也给了我时常会思考的问题一个更清晰的答案

片中花大量篇幅讲述了校园暴力行为与性别刻板印象的联系

不知该感谢自己身边的同学还是感谢自己早早思考人生懂得了如何保护自己 庆幸自己不曾因stereotype受到过校园霸凌

最后想说从影片来看 虽然通过了同性婚姻法案 诞生了许多女强人 美国的男女平等并没有天朝做得好 可能是以不同于传统观念束缚的方式受到压迫

美国暴力文化也一直使我不敢苟同 但我现在起码知其原因

总体来说片子干货很多 值得一看

最后希望自己能够一直忠于本心

被世界温柔以待

He wears a mask,and his face grows to fit it.--George Orwell

We've constructed an idea of masculinity in the United States that doesn't give young boys a way to feel secure in their masculinity,so we make them go prove it all the time.

The first lie every boy learns in America is we associate masculinity with athletic ability.Size,strength,or some kind of skill set.Those boys that can catch a down and out,or hit the hanging curve,are elevated.They're set up for a tremendous failure and frustration in life,because being a man doesn't have a single thing to do with athletic ability.You think about all the other boys on that playground,they don't just want to play sports,they want to do computers or music or drama or debate.

Second lie every boy learns,is that we associate masculinity with economic success.You know,it's been said that comparison is the thief of all happiness,so if you're building your sense of masculinity based on power or possessions,there's always going to be someone that has more,that leads to an incredible empty life of striving for things at the expense of what's really important in life.

Then the third criteria is that as a culture,we associate sexual conquest with masculinity.Associating that with masculinity is so dehumanizing.Those words are designed to keep boys silent,to keep them conforming to the construct.

There's a dominance hierarchy,there are tough guys who are on the top and there are weaklings,girls,who are the bottom of the heap.Now this is the origin of sexism and homophobia.In sexism,it's that a girl isn't as strong as a boy.With homosexuality,the gay man,becomes the most stigmatized version of weakness and sissiness.What happens in your relation with other kids,is that you pick out someone who appears weak in that way,you maybe bully him,but maybe it's just a more subtle kind of demeaning.And you start hating that thing about him that you're afraid of in yourself.

We recognize more and more that adolescents are more likely to be depressed and suicidal,but we imagine that that will be female adolescence,because of the way we define depression,more removed,more quiet,not responding.What boys tend to do when they are getting depressed,is actually the opposite.Boys are more likely to act out,they're more likely to become aggressive using cursing words and screaming at people.But most people see it as a conduct disorder,or just the bad kid...and what happens?Before they see the other signs of depression,which will come in adolescent males just as females,that young male may become suicidal but no one has noticed it.

We have a rape culture.What that means is that individual rapists aren't just crawling out of the swamp,they're being produced by our culture.

We live in a world,right here in our country,where men 's violence against women is at epidemic proportions.

I call what we do to our little boys and men,"the great setup".We raise boys to become men whose very identity is based on rejecting the feminine and then we are surprised when they don't see women as being fully human.So we set them up,we set boys up to grow into men who disrespect women at a fundamental level,and then we wonder why we have the culture that we have.

One of the things that has provoked so much anger in American Society today,is this notion of "aggrieved entitlement"--that men feel entitled to positions of power and all that.But they don't feel like they're getting them as much anymore.That's the injury.Not that I was in power,but that I was entitled to be.

The father wound is any on-going psychological,emotional deficit or injury that would have been met in a healthy relationship.So the father wound is probably one of the most serious issues in this country.Wounding boys become wounding men apart from some kind of intervention.In my own healing process,I took myself as an adult man and myself as a five-year old boy,and I walked both of them back down my mother's basement steps and there I confronted my father.Five-year old boys are supposed to be loved,they're supposed to be tucked in at night.It's an amazing thing when I did that work,because it was the first time I ever had empathy for my own father.I started to think about who hurt him in a way that he would be so angry as he was?I think every man's journey is how do you reconnect that heart to the head.To start living out of the authentic you.

Everyone deserves to feel whole.And each of us can do our part in expanding what it means to be a man for ourselves and the boys in our lives.

Many of us are operating,from a place of tradition,just the way things have been.We need to get men into their hearts and out of their heads.There's freedom outside of these rigid definitions of manhood.

We need to redefine strength in men,not as the power over other people,but as forces for justice,and justice means equality and fairness,and working against poverty,and working against,you know,inequality and violence.That's strength.And we need more men who have the courage to stand up and speak out,even when it means taking a risk.To go into male culture,and say some things that are going to make other men uncomfortable.Because this is about leadership.

Empathy and caring for other people and being sympathetic toward people,these are not just feminine traits or behavior patterns,these are human patterns.

Take the challenge.

Exert your influence.

We all have a role to play in creating a healthier culture.

#01

为啥我对这个纪录片感兴趣？

我对儿童如何在不同的社会文化中建构自己的身份意识很感兴趣，简单来说就是孩子如何认识自己的种族、性别、阶级等身份，这些认知受到哪些社会因素和权力关系的影响，又会如何决定着他/她们与同伴的互动。

在我从事儿童教育的四五年里，我带着孩子们读过好多赋能自我、多元身份认同的绘本。在我和弟弟相处的过程中，我也有意识地观察着他在所到之处能接触到的性别话语如何影响着他对自己和其他人的身份认知。出于兴趣与好奇，我也在刚结束不久的硕士毕业课题中，正儿八经地开始着手对身份政治（种族）的研究。

△ 我的硕士毕业论文课题： 关于中国儿童外语教学市场中的种族与种族歧视研究

尽管如此，我依旧必须承认自己在性别议题上知之甚少，探讨也可能只是基于个体经历出发，在真正的社会问题解决层面可能只是“隔靴搔痒”。不过，有一点我是清楚的，在社会性别的探讨中，只关注一方是不够的 - 偏见之下，没有赢家。正如李银河所言：“性别刻板印象不仅是对女性的压迫，同时也是桎梏男性的枷锁。”

就在这几个月里，我也是一边在微博“咬牙切齿”吃瓜，一边不断输入社会性别的知识奉劝自己理性吃瓜。记得“大碗宽面”的事情刚出来那会儿，我还在写毕业论文，说真的，写论文我都没写到腱鞘炎，但是吃瓜能“吃”到我手酸。这些社会新闻确实push我去看/读了很多关于性别偏见如何将女性囿于身份困境中的文学和影视作品，导致我现在生活在女权主义的“信息茧房”之中。

但是，今天我想分享的这部纪录片《面具之内》则是基于男性视角，从另一个角度展示性别偏见对男性的隐性暴力。

#02

电影大概讲了个啥？

该电影由Jennifer Lynn Siebel Newsom（1974 - ）导演，她本人也是女性主义的忠实拥护者。

此前，她所导演的另一部纪录片Miss Representation（雕塑小姐 / 被误解的女性）探讨了主流媒体对女性狭隘的、偏见性的描述与刻画，向年轻女孩传达了这样的观念：一位女性的价值如果只是取决于她的青春、美貌和性感是如何使越来越多的年轻女性陷入身份危机的。

四年之后，Jennifer的《面具之内》则从男性视角出发，融合不同主体（交叉学科的研究者、家长、教师、学生、青少年及成年男性罪犯等）的多元叙事视角，传达性别暴力在美国社会下是如何渗透到家庭、学校、社区、媒体等社会的方方面面，从而让我们觉得男孩理所应当“就该如此”：不能哭、不能展示自己的脆弱、不能轻易表达自己的心事甚至分享自己的秘密、不轻易寻求帮助而是“凡事要靠自己”……

然而，这样的后果又是什么呢？

在本中，当不同年龄段的男孩都用“if you really knew me, you’d know that......（如果你真的了解我的话，你会知道……）“ 造句时，他们说：

#03

如何赋能男孩？

1个活动，4个步骤

本片基于美国社会背景，但对我们来说，那些性别刻板印象的话语和男孩/人们的心路历程想必也并不陌生。作为一个“实用主义者”，我更关心的通常是What&Why（是什么&为什么）后面的How（怎么做）。这也是本片非常吸引我的原因 - 它提供了对抗性别刻板印象的几个比较切实可行的方法。比如，一位老师向我们展示了一个面向青春期男孩的“摘下面具”活动，这个活动看得我破防了，我必须要特别分享一下：

STEP1 : 书写 | 面具的正反面

这位老师给了每个学生一张画着“面具”的A4纸，每个学生需要在纸（面具）的正面写上：“那些你来到学校（愿意）让别人看到的东西”，然后在背面写上“你不想让人看到的东西，就像是面具背后的东西”。

STEP2 : 大声念出来 | 同伴的面具背后是什么？

写完之后，老师请大家把这张纸（面具）揉成一个球，然后扔到对面的某个人身上。

于是，每个人都得到了一张别人的面具，并将面具的正反面大声读出来。在这个老师所带领的安全小团体中，这些男孩或许是第一次在同伴之间展露面具之后的脆弱：

STEP 3：讨论 | 为什么我们隐藏痛苦？

在每个人都大声念完手上这张纸（面具）的正反面之后，老师问了大家一个问题：“你们觉得我们为什么要隐藏痛苦？” 在男孩们顺着问题小心翼翼地开始吐露自己的心声时，老师慢慢引导男孩们去正视和理解自己的现实处境——

STEP 4：赋能 | 我要你们每个人都说出心里话

最后，老师鼓励这些年轻男孩一定要说出自己的真心话，要有一个安全的环境来处理这些痛苦和愤怒，探究它们深层的原因，而不是“在错误的人身上错误地爆发”，致使自己进监狱。

结语

看完本片后，立刻浮现在我脑海里的就是我8岁的亲弟弟。坦言说，我无法像“直升机”一样每天围着他，控制他去完美避开所有关于“狭隘男子气概”的信息，因为它们无处不在 - 它们出现在电视节目里、他玩的玩具里、他在B站刷到的视频里、他和同学的日常互动里、他穿的衣服颜色和图案里、长辈的话语评价里等等等等……作为半个家长，我也有过焦虑和犹豫：要不要给他断网？要不要把他的IPAD没收？要不要让他试试穿裙子去上学？……但这些终究看起来好像是有点矫枉过正了。到底怎么样的How是最合适的呢？很遗憾，现在我还没有答案。

但透过本片，我觉得唯一可以确定的是，在他愤怒、痛苦、焦虑、伤心的时候，我可以像上面这位老师一样问他一句：“你怎么了？出什么事了？要我怎么帮你？”或许，一切会变得不一样。

*本文所有插图（除毕业课题海报）、音频和视频均来自Jennifer Lynn Siebel Newsom的电影《面具之内》和《雕塑小姐》

延展阅读

▪ Miss Representation 雕塑小姐项目官网

▪ The Mask You Live In 面具之内项目官网

▪ 南都观察家：当“厌男”成为一种时尚，男性气质将何去何从？

当我们谈论女权主义时，我们不可避免地会谈到那些给予女性压迫的男性。但是是什么使他们从一个纯真的孩子走向那样一个男性的形象呢？ 男孩从小就被告诉be a man，be tough，be strong，be silent，于此相对的是don't be girlish，don't cry… 影片中所引用的例子来自美国，或许看起来more sharp than 中国的情况，但其中还是有很多共性的问题，比如说把男孩和女孩分得太开。 从儿时起，仿佛蓝色就代表男孩，粉色就代表女孩。Boys' stuff are always blue，while girls' are always pink。这就好像人为挖了一条深深的沟渠将两者区分开。喜欢蓝色对于女孩来说或许并没有什么，但喜欢粉色的男孩可能就会被认为奇怪。 但其实不论男孩还是女孩都首先是一名人类，而人类有喜欢任何颜色的自由，同时有拥有各种情感的自由，也有表达自我情感的自由… 所以在我看来女权主义的背后也是无数个被压抑，被糟糕对待，被迫带上面具的男性，而或许它们的本源在于社会文化环境对性别的刻板刻画。 虽然意识到这一点在短时间内或许不能改变什么，但反抗与改变的前提是我们至少要意识到。